Create a future with less rape and sexual assault by teaching children about having empathy for others and understanding consent. Condensed and reprinted with permission from The Good Men Project .
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1. Teach children to ask permission before touching or embracing a playmate. Use langauge such as, "Sarah, let's ask Joe if he would like to hug bye-bye." If Joe says "no" to this request, cheerfully tell your child, "That's okay, Sarah! Let's wave bye-bye to Joe and blow him a kiss."
2. Help create empathy within your child by explaining how something they have done may have hurt someone. Use language like, "I know you wanted that toy, but when you hit Mikey, it hurt him and he felt very sad. And we don't want Mikey to feel sad because we hurt him."
3. Teach kids to help others who may be in trouble. Talk to kids about helping other children, and alerting trusted grown-ups when others need help. Use the family pet as an example, "Oh, it looks like the kitty's tail is stuck! We have to help her!!"
4. Teach your kids that "no" and "stop" are important words and should be honored. Also teach your child that his or her "no's" are to be honored. Explain that just like we always stop doing something when someone says "no", that our friends need to always stop when we say "no", too.
5. Encourage children to read facial expressions and other body language: Scared, happy, sad, frustrated, angry and more. Charade-style guessing games with expressions are a great way to teach children how to read body language.
6. Never force a child to hug, touch or kiss anybody, for any reason. If Grandma is demanding a kiss, and your child is resistant, offer alternatives by saying something like, "Would you rather give Grandma a high-five or blow her a kiss, maybe?" You can always explain to Grandma, later, what you're doing and why.
7. Model consent by asking for permission to help wash your child's body. Keep it upbeat and always honor the child's request to not be touched. "Can I wash your back now? How about your feet? How about your bottom?" If the child says "no" then hand them the washcloth and say, "Cool! Your booty needs a wash. Go for it."
8. Give children the opportunity to say yes or no in everyday choices, too. Let them choose clothing and have a say in what they wear, what they play, or how they do their hair.
9. Allow children to talk about their body in any way they want, without shame. Teach them the correct words for their genitals, and make yourself a safe place for talking about bodies and sex. Say, "I'm so glad you asked me that!" If you don't know how to answer their questions the right way just then, say, "I'm glad you're asking me about this, but I want to look into it. Can we talk about it after dinner?" and make sure you follow up with them when you say you will.
10. Talk about "gut feelings" or instincts. Sometimes things make us feel weird, or scared, or yucky and we don't know why. Ask your child if that has ever happened with them and listen quietly as they explain.
11. "Use your words." Don't answer and respond to temper tantrums. Ask your child to use words, even just simple words, to tell you what's going on.
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1. Teach kids that the way their bodies are changing is great, but can sometimes be confusing. The way you talk about these changes—whether it's loose teeth or pimples and pubic hair—will show your willingness to talk about other sensitive subjects.
2. Encourage them to talk about what feels good and what doesn't. Do you like to be tickled? Do you like to be dizzy? What else? What doesn't feel good? Being sick, maybe? Or when another kid hurts you? Leave space for your child to talk about anything else that comes to mind.
3. Remind your child that everything they're going through is natural, growing up happens to all of us.
4. Teach kids how to use safewords during play, and help them negotiate a safeword to use with their friends. At this age, saying "no" may be part of the play, so they need to have one word that will stop all activity. Maybe it's a silly one like "Peanut Butter" or a serious one like, "I really mean it!" Whatever works for all of them is good.
5. Teach kids to stop their play every once in a while to check in with one another. Teach them to take a T.O. (time out) every so often, to make sure everyone's feeling okay.
6. Encourage kids to watch each others' facial expressions during play to be sure everyone's happy and on the same page.
7. Help kids interpret what they see on the playground and with friends. Ask what they could do or could have done differently to help.
8. Don't tease kids for their boy-girl friendships, or for having crushes. Whatever they feel is okay. If their friendship with someone else seems like a crush, don't mention it. You can ask them open questions like, "How is your friendship with Sarah going?" and be prepared to talk—or not talk—about it.
9. Teach children that their behaviors affect others. Ask them to observe how people respond when other people make noise or litter, and ask them what they think will happen as a result. Will someone else have to clean up the litter? Will someone be scared? Explain to kids how the choices they make affect others and talk about when are good times to be loud, and what are good spaces to be messy.
10. Teach kids to look for opportunities to help. Can they pick up the litter? Can they be more quiet so as not to interrupt someone's reading on the bus? Can they offer to help carry something or hold a door open? All of this teaches kids that they have a role to play in helping ease both proverbial and literal loads.
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